


Ikkiichiyuu

by doseki



Series: Antipode [2]
Category: Pokemon
Genre: Gen, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-06
Updated: 2010-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doseki/pseuds/doseki





	Ikkiichiyuu

Even though I know Green called my mother only an hour earlier, I call her myself when I get a moment away from Green and Ookido-hakase. Since the Professor sent his help home for the blizzard, he's the only one attending the monsters on his ranch. Green said he'd help, and told me to make myself at home like I had when we were kids.

So much has changed since we were kids though...Chuuko has curled up with Naru (Green's eevee) on top of a heating vent in the dining room. I think about calling her to me, but instead I leave her be and go to the kitchen and use the phone.

"Oh Red, thank whoever, you're okay," she says, sounding relieved on the other end after our cursory greetings. The line sounds a bit fuzzy, but considering the weather outside, it's amazing we have a signal at all. Then I remember I'm on a landline, ancient as the technology is, it works when my cell phone won't.

"Yeah," I say. This is even worse than trying to talk to Green. This is my _mother_, and I can't think of anything to tell her. "I'm okay," I repeat. "I'm here until the weather clears." These are things I know Green must've already told her, but I can't think of anything.

"We'll talk when the weather clears," my mother says in a somewhat thick voice. "Red, I love you, son. You're welcome home anytime, you know that, right?"

"Yeah." Wow, I'm really doing great with these monosyllabic answers. Tell her you love her too, dumbass! "I love you too, mom. I'll see you soon. Stay warm and safe."

"You too," she says. And we hang up. That's probably the longest phone conversation I've had in years. Most of the time, I call her when I'm in town and say "Hi, mama, I'll be there in half an hour." Or something like that. I think I feel bothered somewhat by the fact that she sounded like she might've been on the brink of tears, but I don't really know for sure - I mean, if I was bothered or not.

I look around the kitchen. It's one I know almost better than my own. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time in this house. Green and I were almost inseparable when we were kids. If I wasn't spending the night here, he was spending the night at my house, it seemed like. The rooms hadn't changed much. Newer furniture and appliances, but everything is pretty much right as it was twenty-some years ago. The kitchen table and chairs are in the same place, even the apple shaped cookie jar is still in its same spot on the counter. I walk into the dining room. The old cherrywood dining table with its matching chairs, the crystal, the candlesticks...I continue my trek on the ground floor into the hall.

The pictures on the walls have changed some, but not much. I stop and stare at one of me and Green. He's nine and I'm seven. We're both grinning hugely, and I have several teeth missing. We're by pond of the ranch, and blurred in the background is my mother and Nanami, as well as Nanakamado-hakase from Sinnoh. I don't really remember the occasion, but it looks like it was summer, and we were having fun. There are others...I'm actually surprised at how many there are of me and my mother on the wall, as though we're part of the family too. I see one that makes my chest feel funny and heavy. It's a picture of me and Green after the League Championships (I'd won) and he's not looking at the camera at all, he's looking at me. He's got an arm around me, and his fist in the air, just like mine is, and we're both laughing, it looks like, but there's no doubt about it, he's looking at me.

I'm thinking too much. I've been without human contact for so long that I'm reading into everything far too deeply. Green came up and got me from the mountain so I wouldn't freeze. He did that because he's my friend. In this picture, he's looking at me because we're friends. I'm staying here because he's not a cold, callous heel who'd let me try to find my way in a blizzard and possibly die from hypothermia along the way. That's all there is to it.

I tear my gaze away from the pictures and continue my trek through the downstairs. The living room has changed the least. If I knew how to build a fire, I'd do that, because despite the heater running, it's still a bit chilly in here. The same old couch that we made a fort out of, the same two chairs that my mother and Ookido-hakase had their tea and biscuits and talked, the same bookshelves, same lamps, same coffee table...the only changes are the television and the books that are on the shelves. I'm on my way to the study to peek into it when I hear the mudroom door opening next to the kitchen and Green cussing loudly about how cold it is outside.

I wander back through the hall to the kitchen. They've left their coats and boots in the mudroom, but there's ice in their hair and bits and pieces of ice and snow clinging to their pants still. "Well, I think a warm meal and a fire is in order," Ookido-hakase says. His nose and cheeks are bright red from the cold, but he's grinning. "Green, you haven't cooked for me in months. How about you whip up something delicious for us?"

Green's expression falls. "Are you serious?" he says, rubbing his hands together rapidly to warm them. "What the hell do you want me to cook?"

"I'll cook," I hear myself say.

Ookido-hakase and Green look surprised. "I have a stew in the fridge," Ookido-hakase says slowly. "I was actually just going to ask him to reheat that. I planned for the storm. But by all means, if you want to make something, feel free."

"I can reheat a goddamn stew," Green says with a laugh. Again, that laugh...I really do like it. "Don't worry about it, Red. You can make something for us in the morning. How about that really awesome French toast you do?" He goes to the refrigerator and opens it up, taking out a large earthenware pot that's already covered. "Stew for now sounds good. Grandfather, why don't you go make the fire?"

"I want mine with extra powdered sugar, remember," Ookido-hakase says, and pats me on the shoulder as he passes me on the way to the living room. I hear him talking to Chuuko and Naru along the way, and the sound of little claws grating on the vent, and paws padding on carpeting behind him as he goes.

"What do you want me to do?" I ask Green as he gets out bowls and another set of mugs and glasses. Earlier, I'd gone upstairs and unloaded my bags in what used to be Nanami's old room, which felt weird, but it had been completely redone so that it was a proper guest room, and I had nothing else to do at the moment...I couldn't help make the fire, and I couldn't do much to make the stew heat up...

"You don't have to do anything," Green says, adjusting the dials on the stove. "Why don't you sit down? You look like you're about to bolt any second." I sit, and Green gives another one of those laughs that make the radio static in my head clear for about two seconds. "You still look like you're about to head for the hills. You've been here a million times, chill."

"It's been a long time," I say softly, glancing out the window by the kitchen table. It's getting darker, and the white is slowly turning grayer and grayer, and soon it'll be black. I fiddle with one of the shakers - the salt - and accidently pour some of it onto the red checkered tablecloth. I swept it up with my fingers and lick it, making a face. Green puts a mug in front of me, one that's faintly steaming. When had he made tea? When had he sat down next to me?

"It's got some sugar in it, the way you like it," he says. "And yours is plain and overly hot," he adds, looking over my shoulder.

"Extra hot," Ookido-hakase says, taking a mug from the counter. Green has one too. He joins us at the kitchen table and takes a seat, sipping his tea. "Ahh. I'm glad I have backup generators for the barn and the house. I'll be surprised if we _don't_ lose power with the winds out there."

I take a sip of my tea, and it's the perfect sweetness. I don't like a lot, but just enough so that it has some flavor.

"We could always just skin a snorlax, if worse comes to worse. Warm fur and food enough for everyone," Green says with a shit-eating-grin. Ookido-hakase gives him a look, and Green laughs. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

They both start talking back and forth, but once again, the radio noise in my head builds up, and I can see their mouths moving and the noises they make, but it's all garbled nonsense. At one point, Green gets up, and he comes back to the table with bowls of the stew. It smells delicious, and the way the two Ookidos go at it, it must taste amazing, but I feel incredibly detached from myself. I've become so used to being alone that I've hit overload at trying to process things with other people around, and that includes something as simple as tasting. I take only a few bites and apologize for not having much an appetite and excuse myself.

"Just leave it. I'm not worried about germs, we can always reheat it later," Green says.

"Red, why not take a shower before you go to bed for the night?" Ookido-hakase suggests. "You'll feel better for it, I'm sure."

Oh yeah. I'd sweated and frozen and sweated several times today. I'm probably a little ripe, but neither of them have said anything. I mumble something along the lines of 'that sounds like a good idea' and flee the kitchen before either of them say anything else.

Chuuko follows me, getting up from her spot by the fire where she and Naru have relocated. She trots up the stairs with me, not saying a word, and once I reach the bedroom and shut the door, she hops up onto the bed and looks at me with big brown eyes.

I go over to my pikachu, really, the only companion next to Hikaru (my charizard) that I've spoken to at length about anything. I love my other partners, don't get me wrong, but I seem to be able to talk better to my pikachu and my charizard, possibly because I've had them the longest. "Pikapi?" she queries. My name, but with the insinuation, "are you okay?"

"I don't know," I say, rubbing my face. I start to strip off my clothes, and yeah, they are somewhat sweaty smelling. "I haven't stayed here in well over eight years, Chuuko."

"Pi," she says, agreeing with me with a nod. I don't feel any modesty around her. She's seen me nude plenty of times. "Pi pika chaa?"

It takes me a moment to digest it. "I'm gonna take a bath and I think just go to bed. I don't know what else to do. I'm not good at talking to people anymore."

She lowers one ear, an indication of disapproval. "Ka."

I pull off my socks last and open the bathroom that joins the guest room. It opens in the hall too, but I doubt Green will be barging in anytime soon, and there's one downstairs, as well as the one off the master bedroom if anyone needs it. I leave the door open from the bedroom and start running a bath, sitting down on the edge of the toilet. Chuuko follows me, naturally, and continues to gaze at me. She wants me to explain myself to her. "I don't know," I finally say. "I hit some sort of wall when they were having a conversation. They were talking, but I didn't understand them at all. I dunno, Chuuko. I think I'm just seriously out of practice. I feel overwhelmed."

She puts a paw on my knee, patting it. "Pikapi," she says, giving me a little shock. It's her way of showing affection. There's enough water in the bathtub to get in, though I still leave it running. It's hot, really hot, and I like it that way. I feel like maybe if it's hot enough, I can scrub off this giant layer of whatever's around me and has me detached from the rest of the world, save for my pikachu. The guest bath is a garden tub, so once the water reaches my chin, I turn it off and just breathe deeply a few times, trying to ground myself. I am in Ookido-hakase's house in Pallet Town. I have been here countless times, and even been in this tub before. I'll take a shower when I'm done soaking in the water, but right now, I just want to relax a bit. The hot water does help bring me back to reality. I see my skin turning a bright pink color from the heat, and the knotted muscles in my back are relaxing. I realize my hands have been aching, but they're starting to feel better too.

Chuuko perches on the edge of the tub and laps at the water on the sides. Weird habit that she has whenever I take a bath, but I've never had the heart to tell her to quit. She has impeccable balance, and neatly grooms herself while I soak until the water turns tepid. I let it out and get up, drawing the shower curtain closed. This time, the water's bordering on cold, and I scrub myself with the washcloth and soap I'd unpacked from my bag, and wash my hair twice, as is my habit. Then I wash myself off again, scrubbing harder until my skin feels somewhat raw and rinse off until the water really is cold.

Then I feel like an asshole. Because I forgot that other people will probably want to take hot showers and here I am using up all the hot water. I decide I'll go apologize and suggest the next person wait a bit, because of my thoughtlessness. I turn off the water, dry off and put on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt. Chuuko stakes her claim the bed pillow, and she stays in the bedroom as I head for the stairs. I pause at the top step though, as I hear Ookido-hakase's voice, sounding almost harsh.

"...looks like one of those war veterans I used to go visit," he was saying. "Or like he just witnessed a bus crash, except he keeps witnessing it, constantly."

"I know," Green says. "But what did you want me to do? Leave him up there to freeze to death?"

"Of course not, and of course he's welcome here, I just don't understand what happened to him. Masaki's death surprised everyone, but Red..."

"He took it hard. Well, think about it Grandfather. He witnessed death when he was only three. And he hadn't had anyone close to him die at all his entire childhood, and then Masaki...well, you do the math."

"I should've said something or done something...I thought perhaps that meditating and providing the ultimate challenge to the newly arisen young trainers who come up to see him...I thought a lot of things. I should've gone to see him myself. Eight years, Green! I didn't think go to see him once! His mother never reported anything, the trainers that saw him said he was an amazing tactician, and you! You never said a goddamn thing to me!"

"Shh, he might hear you," Green says. "Look...if you're gonna blame anyone, blame me, not yourself. I'm the one who should've dragged him down a long time ago. His mom uses the excuse that he's an adult and he can live how he wants, but I know that I should've done something. I'm sorry."

"Well, he's here now," Ookido-hakase says in a softer voice. "That's a start."

"Yeah, it is," Green says. "It really is my fault."

"Let's not play the blame game," Ookido-hakase says, and I can imagine him patting Green on the shoulder. "I know how you feel about him. And you know I've always supported that, but I am afraid you may have your heart broken, grandson."

"Oh, for god's sake, let's not get into that," Green says sounding embarrassed.

Maybe I'm not reading too much into everything after all.

I stomp loudly down the stairs so they can't possibly miss me. "I used up all the hot water, I'm sorry," I say as I come into the living room. "I always do that my first night back in civilization."

Green grins at me. "It's fine," he says. "It only takes half an hour for it to heat up again. Feel better?"

I nod. "Yeah, thanks." The fire is crackling merrily in the fireplace, and the two men don't look at all like they've just been discussing me and how someone was at fault for how I am now, as though there's something wrong. They both have mugs of something hot and steaming.

"We switched to cocoa again," Ookido-hakase says. "If you want some. I think I'll retire soon myself, but I'll wait a bit for the hot water to come back on. And it is fine, as Green said." He smiles warmly at me, but his eyes are troubled. "If there's anything in the kitchen that you want, you're welcome to it. Like I used to tell you, this is your home as much as it is ours."

I feel like something in my chest open just slightly. Like maybe I've had a rusted door that was closed for years, that's only gotten rustier with time, and suddenly the rust has cracked along the seams. But the door is still damn hard to open. "Thanks," I say. "I might...I just wasn't very hungry earlier."

"Well, you know where everything is," Green says helpfully. "Gramps hasn't rearranged the cabinets yet."

"I don't plan on doing so either," he retorts. "I don't want to have to remember where I moved things."

I think I smile, or maybe I grimace at both of them, but they don't seem disturbed by my expression, and go to the kitchen to make myself some cocoa. I'm sure it'll help me sleep too. I add a dab of cinnamon to it and go back through the living room. "I'm going to bed for now," I say. "Good night."

They both wish me a good night, and I take my cocoa upstairs to the bedroom. I drink it all down in one gulp, not tasting it as my tongue and throat burn, and set the mug on the bedside table. "Move over," I tell Chuuko, crawling under the blankets. She does, grumpily, making annoyed sounds at me. As soon as I settle down, she curls up next to me, and falls promptly back to sleep. I stare at the ceiling, realizing the noise in my head that's been there most of the day has turned into a very dull buzz. I try to focus on feeling something, anything. I think about my mother, who sounded like she might cry. I think about Ookido-hakase's worry filled tone about me. I think about Green saying it's his fault. I think about my battles, I think about training, I think about my life. The only thing that comes up at all as far as emotions go is a slight twinge annoyance that I can't come up with anything more than factual logic about everything.

Then I think about that picture on the wall downstairs, where Green is looking at me, and I think about what was practically insinuated between grandfather and grandson.

I do feel something. Something I know I haven't felt in a long, long time, but I can't tell which what it is.

Hope or fear.


End file.
